So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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