just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i came on her dog
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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