Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
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