Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
