idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
