omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
