Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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