So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
