Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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