The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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