we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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