I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
