I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
