Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
