OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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