Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
