i always forget guys have bellybuttons
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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