You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Also, beer. Big fan.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
