see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
