I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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