you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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