Swine flu is the new snow day.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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