Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
