Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
