would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
