one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
it was like eating out sand paper
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
