That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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