it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
