one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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