Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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