Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
