I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
