I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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