I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
