In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I want her autograph on my taint
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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