Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
