I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
