Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
