Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
