Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
