U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
