we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
