I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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