the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
