Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
