Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My feet surprised me
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