You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
