i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
