is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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