i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
